Yesterday I said goodbye to my best-friend-of-a-dog, Lacey. She was my 16-year-old German Spitz.
I got her on a sunny summer day at Cabela’s in Owatonna, Minnesota. My family stopped at Cabela’s to look at hunting dogs (only look) and I spotted a pen of spitz puppies. Not hunting dogs. Just cute puppies. Fluffy. White. Coal-black eyes. Wanting and whiny little fur balls.
That summer, my heart was heavy from a move that had taken me away from friends and a lovely farming community. I was homesick.
I looked at those spitz puppies and immediately fell in love, so I took one home. Lacey came into my life, and she soothed my aching heart. She weighed just over a pound but her loving presence was huge.
Her life became tightly intertwined with mine and we formed a bond that grew stronger with each passing year. Lacey became my constant companion.
She hiked with me.
Camped with me. (Yes, the extra chair was for Lacey!)
Kayaked and canoed with me.
Slept at my feet.
Moved with me.
Stayed close when I was sad.
Played games when I was happy. (She loved hide and go seek.)
She followed me everywhere.
Saw me through life’s ups and downs.
And became my faithful friend.
A girl’s best friend.
Lacey loved me and I loved her.
She aged rapidly in the last year of her life. She got to where she hated being apart from me. When I left a room, she would follow. Even when she seemed in a deep sleep, somehow, she would sense my absence and wake up, searching for me.
Her fluffy, white fur gave the appearance that she was still healthy. But she wasn’t. In her last months, she lost seven pounds (a lot for a 25 pound dog) and her muscle mass diminished. Her back legs shook, and she panted even in cool weather, a sign of pain. She was going blind in one eye, and she had dementia. Her confusion was apparent at times, and I knew she was losing quality in her life.
The details about her end are less relevant to me than the tremendous blessing her life was. She was my buddy, and I can honestly say I’ve never loved an animal as much as I loved Lacey.
She will be missed more than I can say. More than I can allow myself to think about.
God gave me a gift 16 years ago.
And now I’ve given her back. And I know it was an act of mercy to let her go, but my heart is broken. Shattered, really.
She gave me so much.
She loved me so well.
I learned a lot from my dog about how to give love. Imagine. A human learning such an important thing from an animal.
I know my heart will hurt less in time. But I think I’ll always have sadness that she is gone.
I am thankful for every single moment she was here with me.
It is hard to say goodbye. So, I’ll say thank you instead.
Thank you, Lacey, for the love and time and companionship.
Thank you for being so good to me.
Thank you for giving me 16 years of loyalty.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Rest well. I love you.
